Final Fantasy Haven

NKOW ANIMA · Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 3:40 am Post subject: Phyrelizard's story's beginning

this is the beginning of a story I just started called "The Glowing Blade", all I have is two pages,I won't write it all down, because that would take too long, for I have It written down on a peice of paper. I have decided to stop making parts of this story here, because I am only putting stories written on the computer here, not ones I did on the bus or whatever (at least until I get a laptop lol that will take a while)

As I looked over the horizon to see my friends and lords dead, my enemies were believing nobody was left and were going back home. I was a militia, with no military experience. I was just 16 years old, I have brown hair and black eyes. My name is Krom. I am a farmer, the only farmer left in the kingdom of Condous, and, not a farmer for long.

I decided that I should go back to the king. When I got there, he was studying, as always. His wife, and his beautiful daughter were sitting on either side of him. I had reported to the king that his covert attack plan had backfired, we were surrounded. It was a massacre, the only survivors left, that i knew of, were them and I.

"WHAT!", the king exclaimed, "We planned so much, they could have only see that with a spy"

"Yeah, I know", I told him, "but who would be able to be a spy, whomever it is, would be really stupid to report back into you, so obviously they're now working for the kingdom of Alkora"

Suddenly, the door slammed open, "ORIC, YOU'RE ALIVE" I exclaimed, "How's it going bro?"

He had a wound in his arm and he handed something to the king. "Thank you for the map Oric", The king said, " I greatly appreciate your help".

To Be Continued...... when I feel like it lol

Every way I made it it sounds like Oric is the spy.... he isn't

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gayteen · Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 6:50 am Post subject:

that was good you should put some more of it on the page. i like to write but i can't do well when it comes to writing short stories. but that was good keep writing okay. bye
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Aeris · Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:01 am Post subject:

Yeah, that's quite a good story you have there. I won't give any advice because I'm not really a great writer myself. I do write stories but only when I'm in the mood too lol. I hope to see some more of this story sometime too because it's looking really good so far. Do you write a lot of stories in your spare time and such? I believe it's a great hobby to have, it certainly stops me from being bored and such.

Keep up the great work! Smile

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Grog3471 · Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:13 pm Post subject:

Its a good start. I hate my start but your is definatly better. Mine sounds lame and not enough effort, theres things that keep the reader guessing but not enough to keep them interested. For that you need good charachter between charachters.

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